03/04-08-18

Today was a total hassle.

I consistently, unsuccessfully booked Grab and all. Then, my angel offered some help. She told me that she'll also book for me. She was successful, btw. However, I was stucked on traffic for about a couple of hours. My mom even insists if I could just take the day off as I was insanely late.

But I refused and I focused. I can't drag down my reliability on work so I can get my target schedule for the next shift-sched bidding. Even my angel asked if it was okay to just let it be, that I could just take the day off and all. But I refused. I wanna pull up all my scores and seeing her at the office, well, that would be my bonus. 

Then our shifts slided and I was out by 7pm. Earlier today, one of her friend asked .. well .. requested if I could join them. I just waiter for my angel's confirmation if she wants me to go with them. She told me, she misses me so .. my heart melted and before I knew it, I was there. And there she was, waiting for me. My heart stopped for seconds as I saw her again. I can't explain but I can't help to fall for her over and over again. 

Then the night came. It was young .. but happy. I am happy. Once she held my hand from the moment we met earlier, she then didn't let go. Like, seriously. While we're walking, while she is texting and all, she never let my hand go. I was so happy. Really. .. So. Damn. Happy. It was like she's telling me that she got me and I am not going anywhere. We held our hands and never let go. She didn't let go. Even in front of her people, or the people we work with everyday. Then suddenly, it hit me. She told me, over our hundreds of messages today that: "nahhh i think your thinking of the opposite. kasi i wanna show you how proud i am to have you." As soon as I've remembered those words, my heart skipped its beats as it pounds. Nobody could explain that kind of gem I was feeling that very moment. 

I also appreciate that she understands. Almost all our workmates are friends of mom's. So the sooner we reached the place, the quickest their faces shifted from their own business to a shocked one. It was quite funny but then the boss told her to never make me cry as he got her job contract. She just laughed as she started to make a defense stating that she's one of the best in the technical team. It was unusual but I'm glad she quite admit how good she is. It was really funny.

We then left the chilly place as some people are not handling the alcohol by their stomach. We ran, but still, without lettinh go of each other's hand.

The night was still young and, I am hungry and all. We decided to take a walk and we walked and walked and walked. Until we reached our destination and ate Japs. It was good there, and one of my firsts. Then we walked again as the place is about to close. She told me she'll bring me somewhere we can stay. We then walked again and there I saw it. One of the signs that will tell me that She Is The One. But it was all sudden and I felt like I was a glitch. I hanged for seconds as she continued to ask me if I want that thing I saw. I was speechless. I asked her to kiss me. She walked with me first then kissed me after telling me how bad I am. It was funny but I was filled with joy. I demanded, yes. But I never knew she'll do it. I told her that she is the one and we talked about the sign I saw and its backstory. I don't know how she felt or even if she felt what I feel that moment. And from that very moment, I really felt like we were invincible. I told her that there's .. really .. no .. turning .. back. I love her with all my heart.

We still continued walking. We walked and walked and walked. As we reached one of the heavens. It's one of the places I wanna go to but nobody did take me there as they promised anddd, I don't wanna go there alone. I felt it was stupid. I was so happy. After a very long time, I was happy to see and be with a lot of strangers. She, still holding my hand, walked me in circles .. around the cornered place. And once again tonight, I felt like we were invincible.

We sat and talked and kissed .. quick kisses to be exact. As the night go deep, she told me that we'll go again somewhere. Then we started walking again. All our walks tonight was the longest walk I ever did in my life. But I was not tired and not complaining as I like having her with me, holding her hand closed to me as we walk our souls out. I'm not used in walking. I'm lazy AF. But every time I walk with her, I don't know why nor how but all I can feel are electric shocks and butterflies. I was never tired. I never felt alone. I felt like I was strong and every moment was perfect. I love her with all my heart.

We reached our last stop. The park on her place. It was quiet there, and oh so peaceful. I love it there. Again, one of the heavens. I tend to go on quiet places for me to think until my heart threw the hell up, no matter what it takes. But this one is different. I always feel calm and at ease with the love of my life but being with here at a place like this? It was peace. I felt like all my troubles will go away. All my shits will fade away. And all my issues? I could just throw them away. She is the only person who never fails to make my heart beat stopped and go fast at the same time. At. the. Same. Fucking. Time. Insane, right? I know 'cause it's driving me nuts. But I am not complaining. I am actually grateful as all the heavens lend me to her and gave me some bonuses as they whispered onto her heart to please love me back. She did love me back. and still loving me back. I am not just lucky, I am so blessed that my angel decided to stay and gave me this once in a life time of chance. I love her to the Neverlands and back.

Uhh-kay. Back to reality. We chose a sit and then we talked. She talked about her past and all the backstories she could dig from her mind. While she's telling me her side of the story that nobody did had the chance to know, my heart aches. It aches for a number of minutes and even until she's finished. I felt all the pain and anger while she's telling me each part of the story. Then .. I was angry. She didn't deserve that. I never knew that an ugly demon could really exist and the worst part is, it did hurt my angel. For two-thirds of a decade, my love suffered. She didn't deserved that. That demon didn't deserve that love and all of my love has offered. She didn't deserved the love of my life. And hearing those shits she have done my love, it did pushed my anger to its limits and I wanna bury that bitch alive. I want to make her life a living hell .. but my angel took my hand again and said that it was already on the past. But I still feel all her heart aches. I was so dumb but I asked if she really wants to continue what we have. I didn't asked her that because I don't love her. I love her. I really do. That's why I asked. It's how my mind works. I asked her a sudden death question for my heart as I felt that she might need a little more time to heal and all. Don't get me wrong. I am not pushing her away. Yes I was scared, Well, I am scared. But I am more afraid of losing her. I know I was stupid to ask her that question but, I just wanna make sure that she is ready to give her heart again .. and she really is sure that she'll give it to me. People made her heart broken as it was so fragile and precious. I don't want to be one of those people who'll also make then break her heart. It doesn't deserve to be thrown away or have it unappreciated. I really can't afford to turn her heart into a shattered-aching pieces. The love of my life is not deserving to any kind of suffering.

Then my mind stopped as she answered my question with a heart buffering-pretty aching-sorta loud, "Why?" .. and it made my heart stopped. I wanna hugged her and take everything I said back but .. I wanna know the real deal. All my "what ifs" flooded my mind again. I told her I felt like she was still hurt and angry. I know I was too stupid to ask but I wanna know all of her feelings. She then answered that she no longer feel anything for that demon anymore. I asked since when and she confidently answered that it was on the last night she cried and told her everything and so she felt sooo numb, even more numb than before. She said she was sure and she'll not allow that demon to affect her again as she got me already. I'm happy that she started to know her worth and all but .. then again .. my mind jumped into its own hell. But I didn't told her that part as I don't know how to and I don't want to state anything that will ruin her mindset and all. Yea. I was stupid .. again .. to overthink .. all over again. It's not that I am not believing in her wide capacity of understanding and all. I was just afraid that my brain will turn everything into my own nightmare and I don't want her to get hurt most especially, because of me.

So I just held her and kissed her. I kissed her deeply, with all the love I could give that very moment. I told her that nobody could hurt her anymore as I would never allow it to happen again. I told her and I will never get tired of telling her that she's worth more. She deserves to be treated the best way can be. She deserves to be taken care of. She deserves all the love in the universe. And even though I know myself and my love will never be enough, I'll give my all and will do everything with all my best just to show her and make her feel how blessed I am to have her and how much love she really deserves. I love her with all her all and I love her with all my heart. <3